The common cliche says that "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have."  So does this mean if you aren't happy with what you have look for the joy you might experience in having something else and just keep looking until you realize you are happy with what you have at the time?  Happiness comes and goes.  It grows and it wanes.  Forever changing as you yourself changes.  What once made you happy now doesn't.  Are we constantly looking hence for that ever elusive happiness until we don't have to search anymore?  What if we are happy with only that search and not with obtaining what we are searching for?  But if we are searching for happiness does that mean we will never be happy if we use that cliche?  As soon as you have it you stop searching for it but searching for it is that happiness.
      We want to be happy and content in our lives.  We do things in our lives in hopeful gains to that state of happiness.  Now wether we live on impulse of longetivity.  We would either sacrifice happiness now for the perceived happiness to come or we give in to our impulses to attain that happiness right then and there.  Now theoretically if we constantly delve into our impulses we constantly live off the high of that then and there happiness.  Could we always hence forth be happy from those impulses we divulge ourselves with?  Would there be a situation where there is no impulse to make to become happy?   Impulse happiness is known at times to last for about as long as the impulse itself.  Is true happiness that which you constantly get or that which is sustained?
     Where does the line between the necessity to not give into the happiness of impulse and the happiness of future endeavers appear? 


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     What is the meaning of life? Why are we here and what is our purpose? That question has been asked numerous times and answered even more. So now in this stage of my own existence I shall ask that as well to no one in particular and yet to everyone? I find myself confused about what I want within my own life. What do I want to experience and get out of this life? Is it happiness? Is it fulfillment? A sense of accomplishment and the feeling that I actually make a difference somehow somewhere? I don't know if I could ever truly know the answer to that, or if I am even suppose to know.
     I tend to agree that within life, happiness is a product of the journey to our ultimate destination of death. If we spend our life worrying about being happy, can we truly be happy? What will make me happy and enjoy my own life though? To worry is to not live. To just live life as is with no worries at all however can bring about a heartless and careless life. Do I dare turn a blind eye to all the hardships just so I can be happy and avoid depression. Is it humanly possible to do such things? I say, "Why be unhappy if you could be happy?" The answer to that question is because we as humans want to be unhappy. We thrive on our own unhappiness and focus on it multiplying it to a point of extreme depression within ourselves. It is simple human nature. We were designed to experience suffering. But the more we suffer the more we are exposed to it, gradually the less we are phased to it. So are we on our way to our own heartless and cold life? Is that what I want subconsciously, a cold and pain filled life then?
     Regardless of my subconscious, which I have no control over, consciously I want to enjoy my life. That I believe is what the point of life is, to enjoy it. How far am I willing to go to attain said enjoyment? How much will others hurt in the pathway to my goal? Is the suffering of others worth the enjoyment of my own life? At what point do I just say screw it all? At what point to I just say fuck everybody, I'm tired of feeling the way I do? I'm tired I say. I'm tired of holding myself back, I'm tired of being politically correct. I'm tired of being courteous just so others feelings won't be hurt. Is this world too sensitive? I do realize that people are too uptight in general. They focus on the negative aspects of life and ignore the joys, myself included possibly. I say I'm omnimistic, I see both the positive and negative aspects of a situation. But which do I feel more towards? I can't help but feel the way I do.
     Life needs to be enjoyed for us to experience it.


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     Why is it we choose one path over another?  Why is it that one path entices us more than the other?  Is it moreover a logical reason or moreover an instinctive reason?  The choices in our lives rule us in such a way as without them we would not be who we are.  It is impossible to be who we are not, for we ourselves made those decisions and that said path.  But what is it that truly compels us so in a way to govern who we thusly are and the choices we make?  One may say they want and prefer to do something, but instead do the exact opposite of what they have proclaimed.  Does that make us hypocrites?  No for we have done exactly as we wanted to do and said exactly what we wanted to say; otherwise those spoken words and displayed actions would not have come to be.

     Now we do what we do and say what we say because we prefer ultimately the results of what we have received upon said actions and words more than the results that would have occurred if we spoke and/or said the other actions and words. These guiding factors display who we are and always will, so why do we choose to deny it? That denial and thus actions continue to define us.
     Are our decisions our downfall or our upbringing?  We decide upon certain decisions fully aware of the consequences in comparison to others.  Even if we are happier with a decision we sometimes choose the one that makes us sad. Why is that? Why do we torture ourselves in such a way? It is impossible to do something we truly don't want to do, for we will always choose one way over another, regardless of how much we detest the result we chose for we have ultimately decided that we prefer it over the other.
     We are doomed as a human race and as living and existing beings to never make the choice we don't want to make and to always make the choice we prefer to make.
 


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     Why is it that life hits us in such a way as to make us aware of certain apsects but yet completely unaware of others.  And yet sometimes those aspects we are unaware of and do not pursue could have lead to great alternate realities.  I mean we become unaware of them, not because they are not presented to us, but rather because we somehow seem to pass them by without a second glance or thought. what would life be like if we looked at every aspect in every way, if we embraced every choice given to us and wisely or instinctively pick the best option; yet now we moreover just go with instinct or conscious letting our inner choices stay within at all times.  So is it usually better this way or no or can that even be answered for we don't even have the fathomable idea of the other choices our inner self usually desires or knows even as it stays on the inside for one reason or another. How do we find the key to unlocking these answers, should we even find this key? The question that haunts us and yet we don't even know.

 
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     Sanity is a stretch of what we ourselves perceive to be the normal way to act and react within our own society. To obtain such a level of mind and body would require one to toss away certain aspects of individuality in exchange for ideals and criteria to be met that this world has placed or imposed upon the entity known as the common us as a whole; therefore if we dare follow said path of sanity, a placement of monotony will encroach our very lives we dwell upon every moment of bieng and hence more and more we shall forever be geared toward just one ultimate and utopian, yet at the same time dystopian, form.


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     When a person falls, what is the correct course of action for redemption? Is there such a thing as redemption? Can things ever be right again? Should thing ever be right again. Should we concentrate on the bad aspects and ignore all the good aspects, all the aspects that make us smile? What has been done is done and can never be undone. It can be ignored or embraced. Do we ignore the pain or embrace the pain? There is the saying that ignorance is bliss. Until we know something terrible then we can be contempt. We are not and can not be ignorant though. We are not innocent. We are knowledgable and hence corrupted. This very corruption and lack of innocence leads to our own destruction.
     When we partake in deeds that common society deems rotten, hurtful, or even evil mayhaps. What kind of person does that make us? Are we simply a monster or a lost soul? Are we even worth anything anymore? To what point are we here for after this? Do we have a point in society even? If society doesn't even want those who do evil deeds, then why does society keep those people around?
     Do we think too much in life? Why do we concentrate on all that we do and don't just live life as is? Why can't we as a society just not care and not worry?
Human Nature sucks!
     With the passion of life we all have within ourselves, we all attempt to escape in our own ways. some go to the more extremes then others. some search for that escape while others simply cretae their own escape route by whatever means necessary. And yet still others just wait for that escape to come to them naturally. What seperates us in our different methods of escape. Should that difference in us even matter? why should it matter? What can one do with such knowledge? Will they simply use that knowledge to forge a new method to escape themselves or to help others to escape? Can it even be possible to escape lives?
     We drive ourselves fueling our own adrenaline in hopes for an escape. We drown ourselves in whatever we can find in hopes for our escape. We ignore the very desire to escape convincing ourselves we are already free. Are we free or are we trapped?
Oh how I love and hate the world all the same.


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     The uncertaintly I have about my life has changed my life itself into uncertain living. I am wondering what choices I make and am always uncertain about what to choose. Cliche's, common sense and the definition of happiness itself determines me to be folly in my worry of uncertainty. I say and know that in a question I have for myself: ehy be unhapy if I could be happy. I say why. Because I'm a defensive person who cares what others think and feel. Is it my own faults that force this way of thinking upon me or the faults within others about dwelling on stuff. I realize in writing this I hence forth dwell as well. Therein lies the aspect of common sense bien pushed to the side for emotions. You dwell and worry, you will become more affected and unhappy. Is my name and identity so important to me that I should spend my time to be defensive so others will not have a bad image/idea of me? Should I try to explain what I myself can't even understand to keep a decent image, to prevent others from assuming the worst? In doing so I worry and become more unhappy myself, however.
     For what substance does this life hold in regards to our own outlook of others as well. I said earlier about others faults, which means I am shifting the negative outlook on them. Or am I also shifting negative on myself by forcing others to even have the faults? Why can't we both be not at fault, why does one of us have to be in the error? Are we both at fault and can't be happy than? I feel that one has too, because if one wasn't than niether party would have a bad image. In each's mind they are themselves the lesser evil or even the good over the other. So can each be positive and the other negative. Why does society ahve to work in this fashion? Why are such notions emphasized so bad. Does it make one or those invloved with one feel better the establish the phenomenon? This now goes back to common sense about happiness. People enjoy bieng happy, and in doing so may establish a negative on someone else. The outlook though of establishing negative make on negative themself? That saying in itself is negative.